Wednesday, June 2, 2010

wow. i am really bad at updating this thing.

so lately.

i have been restless, anxious, a little desperate. this summer, i am home. earlier this year i had begun planning a trip to india. my dream. two months working with girls rescued from the sex trade, living in a home, learning a marketable skill. one which will give them dignity, reclaim their sense of person. and i couldn't/didn't go. i don't know. i can't look back with regret, i can't do anything about it now.
yet now, i am a little desperate. i was so anxious today, looking for an organization (not so much the organization but children, children who need someone, anyone to care) in which i could invest. i feel so unfulfilled, restless, empty.
yet,
i am finding...well, as Christ has so lovingly pointed out, where is the trust in my Saviour? it is far too easy for me to forget that God loves me.
HE loves me.
and because He loves me He has not forgotten about me. He sees me where I am. He has not forgotten about me, leaving me in the desert, in a constant state of being unfulfilled.
so i'll wait. i'll trust Him. He sees what is beyond my vision. He cares beyond my knowledge. He is bigger than my foolishness. He is the Alpha and Omega. He can handle it.

1 comments:

Dina said...

Oh, Hannah! I can imagine the frustration of not going to India this summer. I just finished a great book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, a book about writing our life's stories. If God shut the door to India that may just mean there is something for you yet, even in little ol' St. Louie! Keep knocking on doors of opportunity there, there is probably young girls who would be blessed from you companionship even in North County. I'll be praying for you this summer, girl!

p.s. I'm trying to convince Josh to take me to India this winter for our 10th anniversary! I too would love to use the trip as a mission trip...I'll keep you posted.